i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
