Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
