Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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