I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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