you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
