is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
