I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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