When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
