if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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