go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
