did you get engaged???
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
