____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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