he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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