The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
