it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
