I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
