when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
