Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
