toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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