i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
