so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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