Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
