I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
