Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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