Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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