Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She bit a glass in half.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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