If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
