you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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