I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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