went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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