no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
