It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
