I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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