Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Welp...herpes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
