A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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