Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
