Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
