Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
