Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
