just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
