people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
