Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
