we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
