I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
