it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
