What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
