this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
