Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
