More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
