i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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