whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
