this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
