is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
